Heart's abhorrence

''Grrrrrrr, there goes my heart's abhorrence". Bloody fucked up OE answer scripts will come with a load of gloom subsequently folowed by deppression. i want to spew venom at everyone right now. i want to rip them apart .... chew their flesh..... smash their silly heads with sillier haircuts!!!! Why have they left me feeling miserably blue?

Doing it the Hemlat way!

i'm writing after a long while. today i feel like blabbering away a bit of nonsense. i can easily write my heart out without bothering about stupid things like grammatical errors and fear(s) of offending anyone. The kingkartabyabimuhro has got this bit of a cyberspace just to its self. Thus this can be it's secret diary which never will be thwarted by unwanted attention or raised brows. In my previous post i talked about the utter nyakami of emoticons, comments on one's blog posts and forthat matter the whole illusionary and pseudo-sensitive nature of cyber activities like chatting and blogging. But it'll be hypocrisy if i didn't admit the oppurtunities it offers to someone like me who would like to rant sometimes without wishing other people to hear it's rant. This will allow me to curse and swear at abominable wretches, a bunch of stuck up pseudo intellectual fools and nasty middle aged people who would love to act like 8yr old kids playing para cricket. In this way i'll be able to ''give vent to my anger" - as Hemlat put it in Hemlat-the Prince of Garanhata.

(Un)connection

Sometimes i feel that i am an extremely unconnected person. Neither do i possess a mobile-phone nor am i member of any of the popular chat sites like orkut, facebook etc. Some of my friends insist that i should immediately get a phone for myself and also join sites like orkut as it would be easier for them to track me and communicate with me. But so far i have done nothing of that sort. "Why''? they ask. i often ask myself the same question. When the whole world is going gaga over those 'really smart ultra cool' ways of remaining connected, when almost everyone( from 8yr olds to octogenarians) is all praise for the boon that is - Saral mobile sandesh(SMS) why do i keep away from these things? The answer to this in my parents' words ( and also in my friends' - who will definitely not say the words in front of me) - "U r a fool. U don't realise that the cell-phone is not just a glam accessory nowadays but it's a necessity." Well i don't disagree with them on the first sentence nor can i refute the utter usefulness of the mobile-phone. Then what keeps me from being the owner of the ultimate mushkil-ashan? The key word behind all this reluctance of mine is - Responsibility. It haunts me in every possible way. When u r the owner of a cell-phone u have to make sure - 1. not to lose it. 2. to keep it away from ur younger sibling- who will invariably be after playing silly games installed in the phone lest u r in the imminent danger of being shouted at by ur mom who will hold u guilty for alluring the kid away from his studies.3. u hear the ernest ringing of the phone when u r out in the din and bustle of the city and answer the call.4. u reply and send messages to the ones who r very sweet to do so to u,complete with cool short forms like gr8, 2 sweet, btw, asap etc not to mention the occasional smileys and emoticons. When i list these problems i feel discouraged and am forced to abandon the idea. Ha! these are but lame excuses with which i conceal some dark doubts. My head screams as it questions the abilities of those electronic messages and smses. Don't the emoticons(at least sometimes) conceal more than they reveal? How genuine and warm is the love which is conveyed just by typing Lol? Sometimes, i feel these devices just make us more alienated than ever. Our emotions r reduced to mere punctuation marks and brackets - friends that's the emoticons for u. I have seen people who rarely talk to each other when they are face to face communicate with excellent ease at sites like Orkut. I wonder what keeps them from talking when they are face to face? Why do they need the electronic pardah between them? Why the damned communication gap comes between them? The above accusations may seem to be the mad cry of an anti progress fanatic but that's the reason of my being unconnected. Many a times have i been unable to touch a person's heart even when he or she stood just beside me. On several occasions i have seen people misunderstanding each other or rather pretending to misunderstand each other for the lack of some damned words. Can these ultra modern devices solve these problems?Can it get me to only connect?

Nimnochap

I am tired of the ghyan-ghyane brishti. it's like constant whinnying. Why r the heavens so sad? It seems that the gods r just like some of us. They cannot cry their hearts out. The authorities call it nimnochap - depression.Neither the met-office nor the municipality corporation can do anything to get rid of this psychological disease that sits tight on the shoulders of the city like the old wretch of the sindbad story. As a result - our streets are flooded by the 'tears of the immortals'.

An 'earlyspring night's dream'.

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It was all imagination. The longest day was missed. The fool waited for something to happen, something that would acertain that it was true. But in reality this was the end. Or was it ever there? After drinking whole night one has to tackle the nasty hangover. Will the fool get over with it soon?

Spent a whole day being dukhho-bilashi. The sickening orange light-bathed dreams of the afternoon made me feel stangely lethargic . i sat doing nothing and stared fixedly at the walls. i was almost in a trance. i started getting addicted to this wonderful drug called self-pity, ie- dukhho-bilashita. Unlike some of my 'would-be-intellectual' class-mates who often seek refuge in narcotic-haze i get addicted simply by doing mundane things like staring at walls, watching the strange geometric patterns created by the roddur, or weaving an utterly impossible story about myself or someone else in my mind. May be that's why i have fallen short of being an antel.