An 'earlyspring night's dream'.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

It was all imagination. The longest day was missed. The fool waited for something to happen, something that would acertain that it was true. But in reality this was the end. Or was it ever there? After drinking whole night one has to tackle the nasty hangover. Will the fool get over with it soon?

Spent a whole day being dukhho-bilashi. The sickening orange light-bathed dreams of the afternoon made me feel stangely lethargic . i sat doing nothing and stared fixedly at the walls. i was almost in a trance. i started getting addicted to this wonderful drug called self-pity, ie- dukhho-bilashita. Unlike some of my 'would-be-intellectual' class-mates who often seek refuge in narcotic-haze i get addicted simply by doing mundane things like staring at walls, watching the strange geometric patterns created by the roddur, or weaving an utterly impossible story about myself or someone else in my mind. May be that's why i have fallen short of being an antel.

june,23,2006

One whole year has passed since the fateful day- June, the 23rd,2006. I remember the day as it were just yesterday. There was i, a dazed and confused soul trying my best to find my room where iwas going to sit to write my admission test,which once cleared will open the gates of Jadavpur University Department of English (JUDE) for me. Efficient,as i am i finally managed to find my room and quite confidently took my seat in the DSA Seminar hall on the fourth floor of the UG Arts building. There were two volunteers with weird headgears sitting on the teacher's desk. Their attitude (and also their headgears !) advertised that the JUDE country was meant for people who are somewhat "different" from the "rest". i looked longingly at them and thought how extremely lucky they were to be JUDEans. i looked outside the window and could see the jheel and after staring at it for a couple of minutes i realised that i had fallen in love with JU. i insanely, desparetly,whole-heartedly wanted to be a part of this university. i wished 'it' to be my university. i wanted the piece of roddur on the jheel to be mine, i wished to own the ledges outside the classroom, i didn't want to leave out the chairs and tables from my wish list either. i was shaken from my reverie by a firm but a kind voice and turned to see that a prof. had entered the room. He had a very impressive look. Most of his hair was grey but his face showed that he was only in his late forties. After instructing the volunteers he turned to us and curtly told us to switch off the mobile-phones. i was half amused at the way he did so. This is because his eyes became ardhonimeelito (half-closed) while he spoke. Needless to say i liked him very much and thought it would be great to be taught by teachers like him. i suddenly noticed my watch. It was 11:15 by my watch. There was exactly 15 minutes to go before the exam started. Suddenly a girl,a candidate like myself entered the room and to my annoyance came up to me . She said that i was occupying her seat and suggested that i check my roll-number with the invigilator on duty. i thought that the poor girl was making a nasty mistake and tried to argue by showing her my form number. At this she politely replied that we were supposed to sit according to our reference-numbers and not our form-numbers,as i had done. Cold sweat ran down my spine. i realised that it was not she who was the "poor'' girl but it was i. In utter horror i hurried to the prof and told him my plight half fearing that he would shout at me for my callousness. To my relief, he very kindly said, "Na baba tumi bhool ghore chole eshechho. Tomar room er neecher floore. Shiri diye neme dandike.Volunteerder jigesh koro dekhiye debe"(No, child you have mistaken your room. Your room is on the third floor,on the right hand side of the stair-case.Ask a volunteer to show you the way). i looked at my watch. Only five minutes were left. I started running downstairs. This time i finally managed to find the right room and was just in time to grab the answerscript which was supposed to be filled with important informations like ref. number etc -a task which my fellow examinees had already accomplished and had started reading the question paper. i took a deep breath, glanced at the paper and dived in . After a year i am in a room with a prof. from the Comp-Lit deptt. trying to assort the forms of the candidates who are willing to enter the JUDE country and telling her my expirience as an examinee, a year earlier. i am looking keenly at the scared faces and shouting out instructions to them. Yes i am a volunteer today. i have half a mind to scold a "poor" little girl who has mistaken her room and has made me run after her to see that she makes it to the right room- but i refrain from it. i remember that another"poor" girl had done exactly the same thing a year earlier .

the story of the green tub

Do we always get what we want ? Sometimes we spend a lifetime yearning for a particular thing which perhaps is never to come within our grip. That is the story of my green tub. i don't know since when i developed a strange but strong liking for the colour green. i was bearly three or four years old when in Dr Parbati Sengupta's chamber i got to lay my hands on a very cute plastic green spoon. It was a bit peculiar because it had been manufactured by a medicine company. You could use both ends of the spoon to have medicine. I was strangely attracted to the spoon. Whenever i visited Dr. auntie's chamber she gave me the spoon to play with. What i liked about the funny spoon was not it's shape but it's colour. The green was very soothing to the eyes and at the same time it made me feel sad. Perhaps the oldy stucture of her chamber, the dark and ancient smelling maroon curtains had something to do with it. Apart from the spoon there was another thing which i liked. It was a blue tub placed under a blue tap in which she used to wash her hands. The tub and the green of the spoon somehow got combined in my mind and i asked my parents to gift me a green gumbla (green tub). As a kid i had somewhat weird choice of toys. I had once asked my parents for a plastic tap(a real one!). Though they gave me my tap they thought it ridiculous to give into my second demand. They thought it was a child's whim and that i really didn't want one after all. But both my dad and mom started doing a funny thing after that. Whenever they wanted me to do something which kids generally do not want to do they said in a strange sing-song voice "green gumbla pabe na"( You won't get the green tub if you don't do it). Today when i have grown up reasonably enough to stop yearning for such things i sometime wonder whether i have really stopped yearning for weird things. The green tub has become a symbol for all those unattainable things for which i really craved . A sing-song voice is always there to mock my failure as it softly whispers in my ears "green gumbla pabe na".

the first one.

This is the first one. Invariably i am at a loss regarding what to say. I am writing this just to check out what a post looks like.